Broke and Alone On My 18th Birthday, And Then a Miracle Happened!

From time to time, I would randomly recall all the shenanigans I had pulled whenever I got baked. I’d reassemble whole scenarios and revisit past redundancies of myself that are younger, dumber, and often moronic.

Most people tend to do something miraculous for their 18th birthday or at least something wild enough to make for a tremendous tale. That was the original plan for mine. Hopes of celebrating with closed ones and overindulgence were expected from people, but instead I chose to switch off my phone and avoided everyone.

It was my first semester in college and I was going through a rough patch. I had just ended things with a certain someone, moved out of my house for the first time and I felt like Tom from 500 Days of Summer. Basically, like that line from Pink Rabbits song by The National, “I was the television version of a person with a broken heart.”

I decided to spend my 18th birthday alone, blazing a perfectly crafted 6 inch fatty while listening to sad break up songs.

Marijoinlah Birthday

No, not this kind of alone Birthday

As I laid back and thought about the asshole who gave me a migraine, I started to picture all the food I could eat for the munchies. As soon as I finished the J, I walked out of my hostel and went on a food hunt. I was unstoppable. Jalan jalan, cari makan~

There were many restaurants, food stalls and food trucks near my hostel so it felt like munchies heaven. My body was on auto-pilot, maneuvering towards anything that’s edible right before my eyes (this is why I’m fat.) I bought every snack and food impulsively without second guessing myself, making my arms feel tired from all the takeaway food that I was carrying. People were even staring at me, they thought I was buying food for my family. I was too baked to even care.

Marijoinlah Grinder

Even my Grinder looked delicious at that moment

I made a stop at every restaurant, looking through the menu all wide-eyed while checking my purse to see whether I had enough money or not. It came to a point where there was literally only a ringgit left, that’s how insane the munchies was. Eventually, I made my way back to my hostel but before I got to the door, my body was halted because I saw the prettiest cheesecake ever. It was calling for me, I couldn’t help it.

There was this café right next to my hostel, it had a display of cakes. My eyes were particularly fixed at this slice of cheesecake that I couldn’t move. I checked my purse again, and like before, there was still only a ringgit left.


Kevin Hart Marijoinlah

Kevin Hart would have been so proud of me

I kept telling myself to leave, but I just couldn’t so I just stood there for like an hour. The waiter stared at me the whole time until he finally breaks his silence, “are you going to buy it?” (I didn’t even look at him, because again, the cheesecake was too pretty) I responded, “No, I don’t have money so I’m just gonna stare at it and imagine eating it, leave me alone.” The waiter kept quiet.

Apparently, the whole time I was standing there like a moron, some guy from this mamak restaurant next door was watching me. I think he knew I was baked. He kept giggling and decided to step in. “Just give her the cheesecake, it’s on me” he said to the waiter, I flashed the biggest grin ever. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I screamed. I ran to my hostel, sat my fat ass down and said “Happy birthday to me” before taking a bite of the cheesecake. I ended up falling asleep right after that, didn’t even eat all the food I had bought earlier. What a waste.

It was the last birthday I looked forward to because it marked the end of my heavily supervised teenage years and made me a grown-up. I’ve been allowed to do whatever I want every day since, which has made it easy to lose track and forget that this one day of the year is supposed to be a special one.

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